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view DizzasterJuice's profile

DizzasterJuice
26th Feb 2015, 9:58 AM

I changed Essential's font back to the one she had originally. It was getting too hard to tell them apart otherwise.

I really need to re-write this page. The dialogue just isn't working but I'll figure it out eventually. Suggestions?

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Users--

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jamie59
26th Feb 2015, 10:46 AM

Lets guess she didn't enhance her immune system or digestive system.

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Sleel
26th Feb 2015, 11:12 AM

It's neither her immune system nor her digestive system. She has far worse then kidnapped someone, mutilated them, and with every instance of overriding their desires, is mind raping her.

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xpacetrue
27th Feb 2015, 2:20 AM

Mind rape is not accurate. That's more like mind control or a forced Vulcan mind-meld. Technically, this is body enslavement. Essential can't force her way into Crystyn's mind. To be fair, though, she did (unintentionally) put Crystyn through torture during the procedure. And it -really- sucks to be Crystyn now. Not sure if I'd call this much of an improvement over death.

Hopefully, Essential will wise up and start listening to Crystyn's advice. I remember when Essential was complaining how Tyranos never listened to her. And I'm still waiting for Crystyn to try to guilt-trip her.

I remember when the other ladies met Essential and she apologized for Tyranos' malfunctioning behavior - how she explained that he must be confusing self-awareness with self-importance. And how big and old the Universe is and how quote, "extremely insignificant" we all are in comparison. Given her philosophy, how does Essential justify her self-importance in taking over Crystyn's body and her life? I have an idea of what she might say, but I hope she explains it.

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DizzasterJuice
27th Feb 2015, 1:06 PM

Essential's relationship with Tyranos is very important to how this relationship will develop. The only time he relinquished any control is when he was in need of repair. But Essential was more than just a repair program. She was designed to take over in extremely bad situations, then adapt and overcome. She was the Tyranos system's failsafe for when "the shit hit the fan".

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moizmad
26th Feb 2015, 5:13 PM

I strongly recommend cooking that fish in a 750 degree oven for 19 hours!

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xpacetrue
27th Feb 2015, 1:36 AM

Recommend cooking it thoroughly? Good idea, especially considering the water. Cooking at 750 degrees for 19 hours? Only if the cyborg requires ash and crunchy, carbonized organic matter. There's such a thing as overcooking.

On the other hand, neither of them are familiar with the local fauna. I suppose that fish could have poisonous glands like a blowfish, for all they know. She suspects the barb is poisonous, at any rate.

Problem is, I think wood may be in short supply in this sewer / cavern.

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DizzasterJuice
27th Feb 2015, 1:08 PM

Haa! These two do remind me of Hoppy and Chickenscoop a bit, except the monkey is in charge right now.

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Dialogue

ChrisJ
27th Feb 2015, 3:27 AM

I see what you mean about the dialogue not working. I can't quite put my finger on it. The pacing feels a little off. There are a number of small portions of the dialogue that can be cut to shorten reading. For instance, cut out the "Yeah, but" and just make the line, "Be careful!" I think the other problem may be that there are a lot of pauses and breaks in Crystyn's dialogue, which interrupts the flow and makes her sound a little too hesitant. Just my ideas since you asked for suggestions.

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DizzasterJuice
27th Feb 2015, 1:12 PM

That's what I mean, the pacing is all off. Good points here. I'll figure it out eventually.

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Steve O
27th Feb 2015, 9:04 AM

I say this far too often about Microsoft apps - what a dumb piece of software, which is all the Essential really is when it comes right down to it.

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Karyl
27th Feb 2015, 9:29 AM

The line about the fish could be something more like--raw fish makes me "blurghhh"-now you get it! LISTEN TO ME ABOUT MY BODY!

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DizzasterJuice
27th Feb 2015, 1:13 PM

I like that better. Thanks.

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view MaiLyng's profile

MaiLyng
27th Feb 2015, 10:46 AM

Sushi makes me puke too.

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Skweeee
27th Feb 2015, 12:28 PM

Fresh sushi!!! Barf!

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view Steven-Vincent's profile

Steven-Vincent
17th May 2015, 10:42 AM

The back and forth between the two identities here is clever. I like it.

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